Dialysis is as boring as bat-shit - right?

We spend far too much time at the dialysis center as it is, so it might be a bit of fun to try to think of some things to do which might brighten it up a bit.

(You might want to make sure you get along pretty well with your fellow patients and dialysis center staff before you try some of these!)

1) A couple of hours before you go to dialysis, eat a big block of cheese. When you get there, tell the staff you don’t feel well. Ask for a set of blood tests to be done. When the results come back, you will have a sky high phosphate. The staff will ask you what you ate. Tell them you ate nothing for the 24 or-so hours before dialysis, because you had an upset stomach. Sit back and watch them scratch their heads.

2) Turn up at the dialysis center on one of your “off” days. (A day when you’re not supposed to be there), go to a chair, unpack your bag as you normally would, and sit down waiting to be put on the machine.

3) When you get off the machine at the end of dialysis, walk over to the scales and stand on them. Stand there on the scales, and swear loudly. When the staff ask what’s wrong, tell them that you weigh a kilogram (or two pounds for our American friends) more than you did before dialysis.

4) Take a Penthouse / Playboy in to the dialysis center, leave it on your lap (closed, of course), and pretend to be alseep. Keep an eye out for the staff’s reaction.

Actually, don’t do these things, you’re likely to either damage yourself, or get kicked out of the dialysis center

Anybody else got any ideas for fun things to do to brighten up your time at the dialysis center?