So it’s just about five months to the day since I wrote this post.

The interesting thing is, that in that time, I’ve had absolutely no visitors at dialysis, other than my wife and kids, my dad, and my younger sister. Not a single friend has found the time to visit me at dialysis, even considering the widely read and whined about above-mentioned blog post.

I find it amusing (or should that be bemusing?) when I get the line from people “I haven’t seen you in ages, we should catch up”

For Christs sake! You know where I am four days a week for four hours! If you really wanted to catch up with me, you know where to find me!

I had one comment from a friend and/or family member after the last blog post on this issue that “You were a bit grumpy last time (over three years ago!) that we visited you, you didn’t really make us feel welcome”. Well try this on for size: Try having your comple blood supply drained out of your body the put back ten times over in a period of four hours, then go sit in a sauna and have your weight reduced by up to four kilograms, and have the biochemistry of your blood - you know, the chemical balance which keeps you alive - altered beyond recognition in a short period of time, and see if you feel like jumping up and down with glee that someone has managed to make it in to visit you. Remember, you’re not visiting someone on dialysis for the scintilating conversation, you’re there to offer some support in what is an often painful and uncomfortable medical treatment which keeps them alive.

I’m not sure how I feel about some of the stuff I wrote in the previous post about not wanting people coming to visit when I get my transplant. I know people are just people, and they get lazy, or just don’t care that much what my life is like, but the bitter, angry, resentful monster in me (when I let him off the leash) just wants to say “fuck you, leave me alone!”

My wife keeps telling me I need to “get over it”; not in a nasty way, but that I just need to get used to the fact that people don’t care, and get on with my life, so here it is:

To all my friends and family who haven’t been able to find the time to visit me at dialysis once in a while, I forgive you your laziness. I understand that you must have been really busy for the last four and a half years, time gets away from you, and my illness is not as central to your lives as it is to mine. Please understand my not visiting you in hospital if you have a heart attack or stroke, as I’ve spent more than my fair share of time in hospitals (3,536 hours over the last four and a half years, to be precise, not including the six actual hospital stays - this is just time on dialysis) and don’t want to spend any more time around sick people than I actually have to.

I guess the frustrating thing is that I didn’t want you to come in and spend hours with me - in fact, it’s not the actual visit I crave at all. It’s the knowlege that somebody actually gave a fuck about me enough to say “Hey, I wonder how Stu’s going? I might drop in and spen ten minutes cheering him up at dialysis this-afternoon”

Not really that hard, is it?

Or maybe it is………